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patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Life can throw you a curve ball

Life sure can, My girlfriend of almost 3 years it would have been 3 years in July just left me and all she said was I just relized that I don't care for you anymore. I just don't know any more. Does any one have any pointers for dealing with the pain and what I should do? Should I try talking to her or just let her have space or just really let it end their?

Last edited by patrickstein (2009-04-20 03:10:03)

kBang

#! Die Hard

From: Calera, AL, USA

Registered: 2009-01-06

Posts: 774

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Life sure can, My girlfriend of almost 3 years it would have been 3 years in July just left me and all she said was I just released that I don't care for you anymore. I just don't know any more. Does any one have any pointers for dealing with the pain and what I should do? Should I try talking to her or just let her have space or just really let it end their?

Advice should be taken from qualified and trained individuals.  Trust me, no matter how much life wisdom someone has gained, without training on how to help you it is very risky to offer advice.  No one here, I would wager, has any idea exactly what life has been and will be like for you so even the best advice would merely equate to tossing darts at a board...blindfolded.

Life didn't come with a manual.

---

I view KDE like I view snow. It looks fun and marvelous, it's fun to play in, but after a while I just want someone to take it all away.

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

I planed and meant nothing in the way of harming myself if that is what you thought. No, I just was looking for some one to talk things over with, A digital shoulder to lean on would be nice right about now.

anonymous

The Mystery Member

From: Arch Linux Forums

Registered: 2008-11-29

Posts: 9,418

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

If she really doesn't care for you, then there probably isn't much you can do to change that. Sometimes a relationship was just not meant to be and you should move on.

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Note: ** Please read before posting **

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

If she really doesn't care for you, then there probably isn't much you can do to change that. Sometimes a relationship was just not meant to be and you should move on.

Yeah I know but you see, we have broken up about a million times. She always asked me to come back or I ask her with in the day. This was the first time we actually got all of our stuff from each others houses. I don't know if she is 100% serious or not, but then again if she is acting like this repeatedly then maybe your right it is just not right and should end. I really do love her though.

delphine

New Member

Registered: 2009-04-15

Posts: 8

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Hi Patrick,

Your post really struck a chord with me because I just left my girlfriend of 3 years (would have been 3 years this May, anyway). And like you and your girlfriend, we have broken up and got back together about a million times, and this is the first time we have actually returned things to each other.

Being in the position of the person who initiated the breakup (i.e. your girlfriend's position), in this case, I would hazard a guess that it's not as simple as "I don't care for you anymore". She may be telling you that because she's really confused herself and doesn't know how to put her feelings into words. What really drove me to breaking up for good this time was the realisation that we had so many differences, highlighted by the many times we've broken up and got back together, that the rift between us was just too much to smooth over. We both wanted things from a partner that the other person just couldn't give. And it wasn't because we didn't love each other (I still love her, very much)... but in the end there just wasn't any way we could be together without one or both of us forcing ourselves to be someone we're not. The strain was making us crack.

Common belief is that breaking up with someone means exorcising them from your life altogether. Some people do find this therapeutic, and feel that making a clean break helps them move on. Everyone heals differently though, and for me I've found that I can't just cut her out of my life. I still care a lot about her after all. If it would help you, by all means try talking to your ex-girlfriend, just as a friend - ask her how her day was, tell her about yours, that kind of thing. When you're with someone, they become a really important friend to you as well as a lover, and there's no reason you should have to lose the friendship when you end the relationship. (Caveat: if she expresses a wish to be left alone and doesn't want to talk, do respect that as well and give her her space - but I'm sure you know that!)

I hope this very long comment helped - feel free to PM me if you want to talk more. Take care.

Last edited by delphine (2009-04-20 08:42:23)

red devil

#! CrunchBanger

From: Glasgow, Scotland

Registered: 2008-11-30

Posts: 229

Website

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

I feel for you Patrick, it's a horrible thing to go through - I know from bitter experience.
But let me offer you a glimmer of hope - it won't always feel bad because if you get out into the world and get on with living a good, fulfilling life, you never know what lovely surprises life can throw at you.
I speak as a man who didn't want to go to a party once, but after a lot of nagging from his sister, went anyway and at that party met the girl who would become his wife of nearly 14 years. We now have two beautiful, funny, bright children who are the centre of our world.
None of us can tell you what the right thing to do is - that's for you and your girlfriend to decide between you - so I just wanted to say that if you decide to move on, don't feel afraid, just lift your head, plant a smile on your face and enjoy life - you only get one shot at it.
If you decide to work at it, then I wish you both every happiness.
Good luck and sincerest best wishes

---

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I wonder what happens if I click on this..?
Registered Linux User No. 382639
Identi.ca   Twitter   The Red Devil blog

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

@delphine:  I understand what you are saying, I am going to leave her be for a week or two and then call her and she if she wants to talk about being friends or whats up.

@red devil:  Thank You,

stopie

#! Die Hard

Registered: 2009-02-02

Posts: 547

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

@delphine:  I understand what you are saying, I am going to leave her be for a week or two and then call her and she if she wants to talk about being friends or whats up.

Good idea. At least in this method you can get some (seemingly needed) closure. I must say, especially after "3" years, A+ to you sir for being mature, calm, understanding, and respectful (as seen from the position of my monitor )

So I guess in short: +1

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

@delphine:  I understand what you are saying, I am going to leave her be for a week or two and then call her and she if she wants to talk about being friends or whats up.

Good idea. At least in this method you can get some (seemingly needed) closure. I must say, especially after "3" years, A+ to you sir for being mature, calm, understanding, and respectful (as seen from the position of my monitor )

So I guess in short: +1

Yeah, I am going to be mature and understanding about it. If she says she wants space and not to be in a relationship I am not going to stand in her way of getting what makes her happy. Thanks Stopie

delphine

New Member

Registered: 2009-04-15

Posts: 8

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

@delphine:  I understand what you are saying, I am going to leave her be for a week or two and then call her and she if she wants to talk about being friends or whats up.

Good idea. At least in this method you can get some (seemingly needed) closure. I must say, especially after "3" years, A+ to you sir for being mature, calm, understanding, and respectful (as seen from the position of my monitor )

So I guess in short: +1

Yeah, I am going to be mature and understanding about it. If she says she wants space and not to be in a relationship I am not going to stand in her way of getting what makes her happy. Thanks Stopie

It is so heartening to see that you have exactly the right attitude. I'm sure it hurts a lot right now, and sometimes you just feel really numb and lost and unsure of where you're headed now that this relationship is suddenly missing from your life. Hang in there. Keep yourself busy with other things. The pain will not last forever.

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

It is so heartening to see that you have exactly the right attitude. I'm sure it hurts a lot right now, and sometimes you just feel really numb and lost and unsure of where you're headed now that this relationship is suddenly missing from your life. Hang in there. Keep yourself busy with other things. The pain will not last forever.

Yeah It is hard to be sleeping next to some one for almost a year and then suddenly have no one to hold and to kiss to sleep. That is the hardest part for me, that and the question that all ways run though my mind like, Is it my fault, could I fix it, should I call her,  Is she ok and the such. I try to keep busy but in the end I always end up siting down and pondering. any tips on how to stay busy would be much appreciated.

stopie

#! Die Hard

Registered: 2009-02-02

Posts: 547

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Yeah It is hard to be sleeping next to some one for almost a year and then suddenly have no one to hold and to kiss to sleep. That is the hardest part for me, that and the question that all ways run though my mind like, Is it my fault, could I fix it, should I call her,  Is she ok and the such. I try to keep busy but in the end I always end up siting down and pondering. any tips on how to stay busy would be much appreciated.

Its good that you care - shows your at least a normal human being One thing that has helped me is knowing that if you were yourself and really cared for *name*, then there are just some things beyond your control, so theres not much sense in worrying too much about it.

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Yeah It is hard to be sleeping next to some one for almost a year and then suddenly have no one to hold and to kiss to sleep. That is the hardest part for me, that and the question that all ways run though my mind like, Is it my fault, could I fix it, should I call her,  Is she ok and the such. I try to keep busy but in the end I always end up siting down and pondering. any tips on how to stay busy would be much appreciated.

Its good that you care - shows your at least a normal human being One thing that has helped me is knowing that if you were yourself and really cared for *name*, then there are just some things beyond your control, so theres not much sense in worrying too much about it.

Your right, she wants me to come over to bring some clothes she left at my house to her. I am just going to pull her to the side and tell her "I am ok with this, if it makes you happy then I am fine. I still care about you, and want to be friends and if you ever want to be more than friends then you will know where to find me at." or along those lines.

stopie

#! Die Hard

Registered: 2009-02-02

Posts: 547

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Your right, she wants me to come over to bring some clothes she left at my house to her. I am just going to pull her to the side and tell her "I am ok with this, if it makes you happy then I am fine. I still care about you, and want to be friends and if you ever want to be more than friends then you will know where to find me at." or along those lines.

Best of luck to ya :thumbup:

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Your right, she wants me to come over to bring some clothes she left at my house to her. I am just going to pull her to the side and tell her "I am ok with this, if it makes you happy then I am fine. I still care about you, and want to be friends and if you ever want to be more than friends then you will know where to find me at." or along those lines.

Best of luck to ya :thumbup:

Thanks Stopie, I know no matter what happens I will be fine in the long run. If we stay apart for good, I might go ahead and join the Navy I have been thinking about it but didn't want to have to leave her for that long.

kBang

#! Die Hard

From: Calera, AL, USA

Registered: 2009-01-06

Posts: 774

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Your right, she wants me to come over to bring some clothes she left at my house to her. I am just going to pull her to the side and tell her "I am ok with this, if it makes you happy then I am fine. I still care about you, and want to be friends and if you ever want to be more than friends then you will know where to find me at." or along those lines.

Best of luck to ya :thumbup:

Thanks Stopie, I know no matter what happens I will be fine in the long run. If we stay apart for good, I might go ahead and join the Navy I have been thinking about it but didn't want to have to leave her for that long.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Join the AF, take it from an ex-navy guy.  >.>

Never do anything desperate as a reaction though, wait at least a week before doing someting like this.  However I do think military service is a extremely good self-improvement avenue, just be sure you do it for the right reasons.

Last edited by kBang (2009-04-20 17:16:20)

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I view KDE like I view snow. It looks fun and marvelous, it's fun to play in, but after a while I just want someone to take it all away.

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Best of luck to ya :thumbup:

Thanks Stopie, I know no matter what happens I will be fine in the long run. If we stay apart for good, I might go ahead and join the Navy I have been thinking about it but didn't want to have to leave her for that long.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Join the AF, take it from an ex-navy guy.  >.>

Never do anything desperate as a reaction though, wait at least a week before doing someting like this.  However I do think military service is a extremely good self-improvement avenue, just be sure you do it for the right reasons.

Kbang,

Just wondering but what did you find bad about the Navy?

I would never do it just because of this, I have been thinking about it for a LONG time.

kBang

#! Die Hard

From: Calera, AL, USA

Registered: 2009-01-06

Posts: 774

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Thanks Stopie, I know no matter what happens I will be fine in the long run. If we stay apart for good, I might go ahead and join the Navy I have been thinking about it but didn't want to have to leave her for that long.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Join the AF, take it from an ex-navy guy.  >.>

Never do anything desperate as a reaction though, wait at least a week before doing someting like this.  However I do think military service is a extremely good self-improvement avenue, just be sure you do it for the right reasons.

Kbang,

Just wondering but what did you find bad about the Navy?

I would never do it just because of this, I have been thinking about it for a LONG time.

I kinda figured you would ask me in that way. 

There is nothing bad about any of the US Military services when it comes to serving.  However having served  for over a decade in one gave me insights into that one and the others.  If I had to do it all over again let's just say I see advantages in serving in the Air Force.  It's the Pentagon's baby, as the other services like to say.  They take care of their people better, not to say the other services mistreat theirs, just .... sorta like of all the services the AF get's pampered a tad more.  The main downside to the AF is a slower rate of advancement (Rank).  I think the advantages outweigh this.

As always, just my opinion.

---

I view KDE like I view snow. It looks fun and marvelous, it's fun to play in, but after a while I just want someone to take it all away.

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Your right, she wants me to come over to bring some clothes she left at my house to her. I am just going to pull her to the side and tell her "I am ok with this, if it makes you happy then I am fine. I still care about you, and want to be friends and if you ever want to be more than friends then you will know where to find me at." or along those lines.

Best of luck to ya :thumbup:

Ok guys and girls, I know the verdict. We are not going to get back together. I could tell by the way she was acting and the words she was using. But I am fine with it, I have vented on here and a few other places and as long as I have all of you to stand by me, then I will really be fine.

almigi

Member

From: Fairview Park, Ohio, USA

Registered: 2009-04-03

Posts: 43

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Best of luck to ya :thumbup:

Thanks Stopie, I know no matter what happens I will be fine in the long run. If we stay apart for good, I might go ahead and join the Navy I have been thinking about it but didn't want to have to leave her for that long.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Join the AF, take it from an ex-navy guy.  >.>

Never do anything desperate as a reaction though, wait at least a week before doing someting like this.  However I do think military service is a extremely good self-improvement avenue, just be sure you do it for the right reasons.

Take it from two ex-navy guys, join the airforce instead.

Seriously though, I have to second what kBang says about not doing this as a reaction.  If you join the military, ANY branch, you are basically committing YEARS of your life.  It's not something you can just change your mind and quit.  So, make sure, if you do this, it's what you TRULY want.

patrickstein

#! Die Hard

From: Texas, USA

Registered: 2009-01-26

Posts: 501

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Take it from two ex-navy guys, join the airforce instead.

Seriously though, I have to second what kBang says about not doing this as a reaction.  If you join the military, ANY branch, you are basically committing YEARS of your life.  It's not something you can just change your mind and quit.  So, make sure, if you do this, it's what you TRULY want.

Hi Almigi, I am still thinking Navy, Both parents were navy and they loved it.

I am not going to do this because of this, it is something I have been thinking of for a long time. I can't even sign for another 2 years as I want to wait till I am out of college.

wolfizzi

Member

From: Sooner Country

Registered: 2009-03-29

Posts: 18

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

Hey, PatrickStein.

Among other things, I'm a divorce lawyer, and I work with couples who are breaking up nearly every day.  My experience tells me that I can't give you any realistic advice without knowing a lot more about your situation.  I have encouraged some couples to try reconciliation, but only when I get the sense that it is the right thing. 

For now, you should seek out family and close friends who know you and your situation.  This forum is o.k. to vent on, but we don't know you enough to give you adequate advice.  What I have read here from others has seemed like pretty good advice.  Also, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders.   The bottom line:  life is long, study hard, be optomistic and let your conscience guide you.

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... then he turned to us and said, "See ya later, crocodile!"

GuruX

#! Die Hard

Registered: 2009-01-18

Posts: 527

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

I'm not coming with advices here. I'm coming with something to relieve the pain a little bit. Music.
Now, I tend to listen to sad music when I'm down. It might bring me down, but it also feels like I have someone who speaks to me and feel the same way as I. Nice records to feel bad together with. Don't listen to the if you're not like me.

Tom Waits - Closing Time
This is an album that really got me through my first big break up. There's not much to say, just listen to it.

The Good Life - Album of the year (acoustic version)
Tim Kasher made an album about his divorce. It is heavy, but very beautiful. This WILL bring you down, for sure.

Cursive - The Ugly Organ
More of an album for times when I'm angry. I turn the volume up and listen.

irksum

Member

Registered: 2009-04-21

Posts: 14

Re: Life can throw you a curve ball

hey man, I totally feel for you. And this is going to suck for a while. There's no way around it, but, see your friends alot, hang out at their houses, try not to be alone til you think you have some emotional feet to stand on. Here's the 2 things i always wish I had done and I'm not sure I've ever been able to. Don't talk to her after this for a long time, not like 2 weeks, but like at least 6 months, that way, your not the person that is desperately missing her (which you will be if you see her in 2 weeks, i mean your gonna be looking forward to it for 2 weeks and i promise you it's just going to let you down) and second get rid of her reminders, living is going to remind you of her enough, you don't need facebook/myspace, gtalk/aim, pictures, twitter updates, etc stabbing you in your heart kidneys every 5 minutes. And finally you need to know that you are a person. all by your lonesome. Ok I'm pretty bad at this so none of that probably helped you, but I hope you feel better.