"A ________ walks into a bar" jokes

pvsage · 2013-09-07 08:49:05

^ Oh, I get it! ]:D The bartender was Derpy - her cutie mark represents the carbonation in beer! (Does that count as a "pony attack", Sector11? 8o )

ratcheer · 2013-09-07 12:39:52

A mathemeticians convention is just letting out. Two mathemeticians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one asks for half a beer. They say, "Many of our friends will be coming in." A steady stream of mathemeticians come in and are lining up. The third one asks for a fourth of a beer. As the next mathemetician starts to give his order, the barman says, "Wait." He goes to the tap, pulls two beers, and places them on the counter, saying, "You guys need to learn your limits."

saneks · 2013-09-07 14:19:05

chillicampari wrote:

Five Linux users enter a bar. After seating themselves, the bartender asks "Hey you two, what'll it be?"

I don't understand this one..

Naik · 2013-09-07 15:16:42

^me neither!

but the rest is great!

snowpine · 2013-09-07 15:17:33

My cat walked into a bar. My cat's name is MIttens.

chillicampari · 2013-09-07 23:26:01

saneks wrote:

chillicampari wrote:
Five Linux users enter a bar. After seating themselves, the bartender asks "Hey you two, what'll it be?"
I don't understand this one..

(You can pretty much make up your own reason why three never made it over to the barstools like):

Two are still inside the entryway discussing the color of the walls and one is on their way home to start their own microbrewery.

wuxmedia · 2013-09-14 08:53:48

A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone. He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody any time, any where, any place, it doesn't matter to me."
The guy raises his eyebrows and says, "No kidding? What law firm do you work for?"

pvsage · 2013-09-14 08:58:18

^ LULz!

A unicorn, a pegasus, and an Earth pony walk into a bar...which is kinda ridiculous, because the other two should have seen the first hit it.

photonucleon · 2013-09-14 19:03:46

A pedant walks into a bar, where there are two counters, one on the left and one on the right. The two counters are identical, and a sign on the wall explained that if for whatever reason one counter could not be used, then there would be a backup counter. The pedant goes up to the counter on the left, which, unbeknown to him, is currently out of order. The bartender appears at the counter on the right, and says "You'll need to come over to the other counter." The pedant replies:

"I'm already at the other counter."

Sector11 · 2013-10-20 22:07:16

pvsage wrote:

^ Oh, I get it! ]:D The bartender was Derpy - her cutie mark represents the carbonation in beer! (Does that count as a "pony attack", Sector11? 8o )

How did I miss this and now I am ?????

pvsage · 2013-10-20 23:54:24

@Sector11: Derpy Hooves, a background pony fan-named for her cross-eyed appearance in the series premiere.

Sector11 · 2013-10-21 00:14:21

pvsage wrote:

@Sector11: Derpy Hooves, a background pony fan-named for her cross-eyed appearance in the series premiere.
http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110130193104/mlp/images/thumb/6/69/Derpy_derping.png/180px-Derpy_derping.png

Pony attack - man the saddles!

pvsage · 2013-10-21 00:50:21

Well, you were asking for one (literally begging, as I recall). Basically, my thought process was "that bartender sounded like such a ditz...like a bubble-headed...ZOMG, the bartender is a human version of Derpy!" I can't recall seeing her flank marking linked to beer anywhere in the fanon, but it seems as plausible as anything else I've read.

intoCB · 2013-10-21 02:09:07

Pony attack on Sector 11? Sounds like a name for a film.

chillicampari · 2013-10-21 02:15:30

^Awesomeness (I need to rewatch that at some point).

Sector11 · 2013-10-21 04:57:30

intoCB wrote:

Pony attack on Sector 11? Sounds like a name for a film.

Excellent film ... loved it! I have to re-watch it as well.

EDIT:
Assault on Precinct 13 by Sector11 on his trusty steed Pony007 ...

Last edited by Sector11 (2013-10-21 05:00:14)

Sector11 · 2013-10-21 05:01:40

pvsage wrote:

Well, you were asking for one (literally begging, as I recall). Basically, my thought process was "that bartender sounded like such a ditz...like a bubble-headed...ZOMG, the bartender is a human version of Derpy!" I can't recall seeing her flank marking linked to beer anywhere in the fanon, but it seems as plausible as anything else I've read.

Who me? deny deny deny ... ]:D

Sector11 · 2014-01-04 17:33:50

After all that ... and the time lapse, I realized I didn't post a joke ....

After a rather wet night the bartender asks Bruce, who's lying on the floor "Would you like a chair there?"

"No, I'm okay standing, thanks."

intoCB · 2014-01-04 19:01:00

An Apache walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry but I can't serve you. I'll have to get the Apache server. He's down in the cellar right now but he'll be back up in again in a moment."

A tomcat walks into a bar. "F*** off!" says the barman. "You can't drink here. I'll be damned if I'm going to get a reputation for appearing in crappy I.T. jokes this close to retirement". "I didn't come here for a drink," says the tomcat. "I was just looking for a place to crash."

hhh · 2014-01-04 19:40:22

A German walks into a bar and asks for a martini. The bartender asks, “Dry?” He replies, “Nein, just one.”

photonucleon · 2014-01-05 09:02:41

A man walks into a bar, and declares in a loud voice "I am a llama." Everyone turns to look at him, and he repeats his declaration, adding "I even have four legs."
"I don't believe you," the bartender says. "That's just alpaca lies!"

mike green · 2014-01-09 04:58:03

A blind man walks into a bar and after ordering a drink yells to the bartender, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke ?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde, and I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb.blonde with a black belt in karate. What's more, the woman sitting next to me is blonde and she's a weight lifter. The lady to your right is a blonde, and she's a wrestler. You still wanna tell that joke?" The blind guy says, "Not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

mrpeachy · 2014-01-09 05:29:01

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinis,
the bartender says "did you mean martini?"
The Roman replies "if I'd wanted more than one, I would have asked."

photonucleon · 2014-01-09 09:47:50

mrpeachy wrote:

A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinis,
the bartender says "did you mean martini?"
The Roman replies "if I'd wanted more than one, I would have asked."

Sorry for being a little bit of a stickler for detail, but the Roman should order a martinus.

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#28 2013-09-07 14:19:05

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#29 2013-09-07 15:16:42

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#30 2013-09-07 15:17:33

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#32 2013-09-14 08:53:48

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#39 2013-10-21 02:09:07

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