Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

pvsage · 2013-10-27 22:53:18

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

Linuxephus™ · 2013-10-27 22:55:58

Things you don't want to hear at a barbeque: "Excuse me, my wife asked me where my lips were going to be after she slapped them off of my face. However, in the same instance that question was asked, my face also happened to be slapped within the same trajectory somewhere in the vicinity of the grill itself.
Can everyone please refrain from eating any kind of face-meat?"

photonucleon · 2013-10-27 23:00:32

"Hey, where did your frog-pond go?"

pvsage · 2013-10-27 23:11:28

^ I've actually eaten frog; kinda tastes like lizard. 8o

#!_828 · 2013-10-28 00:32:00

pvsage wrote:

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

Good thing my dog would probably eat anyone who tries to grill her (she's an almost 2 year old Shepperd-Husky mix, 85lbs (she'll be around 100 when full-grown) with one blue eye & one brown eye (I'll upload a picture later))

Last edited by #!_828 (2013-10-28 00:32:12)

anonymous · 2013-10-28 02:11:54

pvsage wrote:

^ I've actually eaten frog; kinda tastes like lizard. 8o

And whats does lizard taste like?

pvsage · 2013-10-28 02:14:58

"Tastes like chicken." Actually, it doesn't. Kinda like venison, but not quite.

#!_828 · 2013-10-28 02:52:40

Meanwhile, wouldn't it be ironic if, even though everything tastes like chicken, chicken itself tasted like beef?
Reminds me of a quote from The Matrix where the one kid was talking about "How do the machines know what Tastey Wheat tasted like? What if they got it all wrong & whay you & I think Tastey Wheat tastes like is completely different . . . Or what about chicken? Maybe, they couldn't figure out what a lot of stuff was supposed to taste like, so they just made everything taste like chicken. Which brings up another question. Why chicken? . . . "

Last edited by #!_828 (2013-10-28 02:53:18)

Linuxephus™ · 2013-10-28 03:00:11

#!_828 wrote:

Meanwhile, wouldn't it be ironic if, even though everything tastes like chicken, chicken itself tasted like beef?
Reminds me of a quote from The Matrix where the one kid was talking about "How do the machines know what Tastey Wheat tasted like? What if they got it all wrong & whay you & I think Tastey Wheat tastes like is completely different . . . Or what about chicken? Maybe, they couldn't figure out what a lot of stuff was supposed to taste like, so they just made everything taste like chicken. Which brings up another question. Why chicken? . . . "

I think after this conversation, I shall endeavor to avoid any barbecuing not of my own making first and foremost.

#!_828 · 2013-10-28 10:53:39

Linuxephus™ wrote:

I think after this conversation, I shall endeavor to avoid any barbecuing not of my own making first and foremost.

This thread was not intended to deter from barbecuing, it's merely to raise awareness of potential barbecue hazards & provide some audio cues so you can identify said hazards & run for your life, if need be

photonucleon · 2013-10-28 12:52:21

#!_828 wrote:

Linuxephus™ wrote:
I think after this conversation, I shall endeavor to avoid any barbecuing not of my own making first and foremost.
This thread was not intended to deter from barbecuing, it's merely to raise awareness of potential barbecue hazards & provide some audio cues so you can identify said hazards & run for your life, if need be

Oh, yeah, definitely don't want to hear "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" at a BBQ. Such an exclamation is usually followed swiftly by catastrophe.

gutterslob · 2013-10-28 12:59:18

Sausage jokes.

servingwater · 2013-10-28 14:41:21

#!_828 wrote:

I was recently looking through some old magazines before I threw them out (cleaning up, getting ready for winter) when I found a rather funny list of phrases labled "Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue:"
1) "We're out of charcoal - light up a tire"
2) "That ain't lemonade"
3) "If the smoke from the grill bothers you, just crack open a window"
4) "Why is my hotdog wearing nail polish?"
5) "Does anyone here know the heimlich maneuver?"
6) "Who wants to lick the grill?"
7) "Hello, 911? It's me again . . . "
Anyone have any of their own they'd like to share?

Genius!

#!_828 · 2013-10-28 20:05:46

photonucleon wrote:

Oh, yeah, definitely don't want to hear "RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" at a BBQ. Such an exclamation is usually followed swiftly by catastrophe.

Yep, that's the general rule of thumb

bigbenaugust · 2013-10-28 20:16:53

"Well, I didn't blow myself up."

pvsage · 2013-10-28 20:31:26

"How many bottles of charcoal fluid was that?"

#!_828 · 2013-10-29 01:34:34

pvsage wrote:

"How many bottles of charcoal fluid was that?"

Cue Hank Hill saying "You wouldn't need to keep count of how many bottles of charcoal fluid you've used if you had the brains to realize the superior grilling power & efficiency of propane!"

Last edited by #!_828 (2013-10-29 01:35:12)

pvsage · 2013-10-29 05:34:25

Cue Peggy and Luanne sneaking off to a charcoal barbecue for the flavor. ]:D

#!_828 · 2013-10-29 10:46:15

pvsage wrote:

Cue Peggy and Luanne sneaking off to a charcoal barbecue for the flavor. ]:D

Then, cue Hank returning from his trip with the guys for Bill's birthday, discovering what they'd done, & all Hell braking loose

k0s · 2013-10-29 12:13:03

#1
"10 SECOND RULE! 10 SECOND RULE!!!"

#2
"...so, dude, I got this really cool idea for a iphone app..."

anonymous · 2013-10-29 16:52:17

k0s wrote:

#2
"...so, dude, I got this really cool idea for a iphone app..."

Depending on person saying this, it could be either good or bad. I'd be interesting in hearing it, either for curiosity or for a quick laugh.

bigbenaugust · 2013-10-29 17:27:42

"Who needs arm hair, anyway?"

#!_828 · 2013-10-29 19:18:12

anonymous wrote:

k0s wrote:
#2
"...so, dude, I got this really cool idea for a iphone app..."
Depending on person saying this, it could be either good or bad. I'd be interesting in hearing it, either for curiosity or for a quick laugh.

Yep
However, if it's anything about the Ubuntu phone, listen closely for the following keywords "Social location, customer service enhancement, location monitoring, partnered with Amazon, enhanced data recovery features . . . "
If any of those are present, you must:
A: RUN!
B: Definitely do NOT get their app
C: If it's to be installed onto all phones as part of a standard "upgrade" then switch to another smartphone
(be on the lookout for a release date for Firefox OS)

Linuxephus™ · 2013-10-30 02:15:20

#!_828 wrote:

Linuxephus™ wrote:
I think after this conversation, I shall endeavor to avoid any barbecuing not of my own making first and foremost.
This thread was not intended to deter from barbecuing, it's merely to raise awareness of potential barbecue hazards & provide some audio cues so you can identify said hazards & run for your life, if need be

Eh...no worries mate.
I'm well aware of the intent of thread and subject material therein.
Merely overlook the irony of my illogical humor.

SJPierce · 2013-10-30 19:55:35

(moderator note: post removed -cc)

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#26 2013-10-27 22:53:18

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#27 2013-10-27 22:55:58

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#28 2013-10-27 23:00:32

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#29 2013-10-27 23:11:28

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#30 2013-10-28 00:32:00

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#31 2013-10-28 02:11:54

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#32 2013-10-28 02:14:58

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#33 2013-10-28 02:52:40

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#34 2013-10-28 03:00:11

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#35 2013-10-28 10:53:39

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#36 2013-10-28 12:52:21

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#37 2013-10-28 12:59:18

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#38 2013-10-28 14:41:21

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#39 2013-10-28 20:05:46

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#40 2013-10-28 20:16:53

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#41 2013-10-28 20:31:26

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#42 2013-10-29 01:34:34

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#43 2013-10-29 05:34:25

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#44 2013-10-29 10:46:15

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#45 2013-10-29 12:13:03

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#46 2013-10-29 16:52:17

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#47 2013-10-29 17:27:42

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#48 2013-10-29 19:18:12

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#49 2013-10-30 02:15:20

Re: Things You Don't Want to Hear at a Barbecue

#50 2013-10-30 19:55:35

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